the new objective
concoction for theatrical, theoretical genius; a note to myself.
practitioners artaud brecht and berkoff.
sociopathic and psychopathic performance in open aired display of protest.
breaking 4 walls. no emotional connection to any performer but deep unyielding attachment to the concept at hand.
i must remember this.
acid trip love
the last time i tripped, i wrote about addiction and rooftops
the last time i tripped, i wrote about the difference in falling and jumping
the last time i tripped, i saw everything i didn’t want to see
the last time i tripped, i accepted
acid trip love, kind of, sort of, thereof
i can’t stop questioning now.
could my acid trip love somehow,
also i should probably lay off the lsd
What I will probably never understand..
I have a very particular way of thinking, the right way of thinking. If I am right, I see something through until the end and make sure whatever it is, it is done to the highest standard and swiftly, if I’m wrong, I quickly rectify the mistakes, apologise and then continue to do whatever it is to perfection. That being if I want to do it, if I don’t, there is no way I am doing it or putting any effort in at all, find someone else. Unless of course it’s vital for someone else’s happiness and ease then I’ll do it because I like helping people and thrive off their happiness when mine is so vacant. What I don’t understand is that everyone that I come across, and I mean absolutely every single person, is fucking stupid. They are either ignorant, ostentatious or down right thick as a fucking brick. Why do I need to tell someone something 15 plus times before they can do it properly, why do I need to explain to people how you should address certain situations whilst contemplating what’s socially and politically acceptable. Why do your brains work that way, it is WRONG.
I can’t even explain to the extent of what I’m talking about or even make this more specific because it applies to everything within our lives and to everyone and it’s infuriating. The worse thing is, I feel like it’s probably my ‘illness’ that makes me this way, that makes me see in this light, I know it’s to blame for my acute attention to detail helping me surpass intellectually and creatively and there are downfalls to this but I can’t understand, I can’t make it work in my mind how all your minds seem to work and it’s so infuriating. That is why I snap, that is why I am ferociously vicious, that is why I am patronising, that is why I seem cold and I can’t stop it no matter how much I try and I don’t want to sedate it and with that sedate all the good aspects of myself, the creativity and the intuitiveness and inspiring spirals of repressed chaos. None of this makes sense, I pretty much fear re-reading it but for fuck sake can someone, anyone just not be such a fucking idiot.
sexual intercourse: message to a lover
perplexing, sexting, nude flexing, why you vexing?
hilarity, some clarity, you’re verging on barbarity
playful, faithful, fuck me on that table
weakness, speechless you’re crumbling to pieces
piece by piece explore these sheets.
wet t-shirts, and butt hurts.
moral high ground, who’s shy now?
can’t look me in the eyes as you walk by now?
delicate dignity deciphering unwillingly, comfortably contagiously
caged in preconception, prejudice silly. me?
no way. bar set astray there’s some compla-cent thoughts arising irrevocably.
you’re scared of me.